The makings of a mother

What makes a mother is not blood. It is not stretch marks, Nor is it labour or having a baby at the end of it all. What makes a mother are the tears she cries for her child, The scars unseen but embedded on her heart, The times she felt a failure but carried on through, The days she thought she might give up but she made up instead. A mother lets go when her heart tells her to hold on, A mother lets live when all she wants to do is protect, A mother re-creates her childhood despite the inconvenience, And lives multiple lives through the eyes of her child. A mother is not born on the day of childbirth, A mother grows through each moment, A mother loves, and fails and learns. Blood did not make me a mother; Only God made this one.

The fall of woman

I wrote this after reading ‘captivating’ by Stasi and John Elderidge, for the second time. I felt a real burden on my heart to write this and to portray what God really intended for woman. She is the finale of creation, a reflection of God’s own beautiful heart, but is so run down, so torn apart, so attacked that she is unable to reflect God as she was intended. And all of this began at the edge of creation, when one jealous angel attacked a vulnerable woman, and her husband stood to the side. Since this moment in time, women everywhere have felt this tug on their heart, ‘I’m wounded, incomplete, not worth the effort of saving.’ I wanted to show how every woman feels this and steps into the world feeling a lone, feeling rejected and feeling not good enough. But even in this fallen world woman still portrays God’s beauty over creation, her physical form, her nurturing spirit, her desire for relationship, all reflect the image of God.

27.07.11

Spoke into the darkness,
Created their life,
God’s image in all its glory;
A radiant smile,
A warm look in her eyes,
A wisdom unknown to men.
A kind, gentle heart,
A nurturing form,
An instinct to rival no other.
The crown of creation,
The finger print of God,
His beauty bestowed upon her.
The giver of life,
The keeper of life,
A joy within her heart.
A love for relation,
A desire for companion,
A reflection of God’s Holy order.

A beautiful angel,
The splendour of God,
Fallen to the pit of sin.
A jealous creation,
A fight for glory,
a desire to satisfy within.
An attack on beauty,
A destroyer of life,
A liar to her vulnerable soul.
A desire to be her,
To restore his position,
To be the gem of Yahweh’s eye.

A knot in her stomach,
A plea in her eye,
A desperation to be understood.
A need to be loved,
A longing for perfection,
A yearning to be protected.
He stood to the side,
Soaked it all up,
But did nothing for her fragile heart.
A vengeful serpant,
A lie to her heart,
A vulnerable, desolate soul.
A fruit like no other,
A quivering hand,
A mouthful of death and destruction.

A world torn apart,
Evicted from life,
As darkness consumes all creation.
Penetrated by sin,
A feast for the serpent,
A broken infected souls.
She cowers alone,
With fear and with sorrow,
She collapses wounded and broken.
A tear in her eye,
A scabbed over heart,
Her beauty torn from within.
She picks herself up,
And dusts herself off,
Walks into the darkness of night.
A raw mixed up heart,
A cross to bear,
A taste of hell within.
She enters the world alone and rejected,
Unaware of the story she tells.

A beautiful maiden,
The crown of creation,
The prince who left her there.
She lives every day,
Wounded and scared,
Unsure of the treasure within.
The giver of life,
A reflection of beauty reluctantly escaping her heart.
Within the walls she built,
To protect herself,
God’s glory seeps through the cracks.
Dripping over the world,
Penetrating one’s heart,
She reveals and inexplicable wonder.
Spoken into the darkness,
Creator of life,
God’s image in all her glory.

On bended knee

It never ceases to amaze me how God answers my prayers. For years as a young girl i prayed for my husband to be, there is a song by Rebecca St James entitled 'Wait for me' which encouraged me to wait with hope and pray with certainty for the man who was to be my husband. I prayed that he would be a man of God, with a foundation firmly built on the Bible and prayer, that he would be a man of compassion, a man of love and a man with a passion for the power and word of God. My God answered my prayers and blessed me witha wonderful God crafted man. I am so thankful that God taught me to be faithful in prayer for my husband from a young age and that he was faithful to answer my hearts cry.

You made my heart sing;
The joy within my soul i cannot explain,
A peace within my startled heart;
touched my the Father and now dripping with love

I was afraid but you dared me to dream;
You dared me to get down on my knees and open my heart,
Telling you the secrets of the female spirit;
The ones long forgotten but never lost.

You asked me to pray.
Told me to give it up to you,
let you be the one to determine our future.
At times i pulled too tight on the reins; i tired to do things for myself,
Clearly that didnt work out.

But oh what good counsel you provided me with;
'Get back on your knees' the women said.
'Let God show you how to make your dreams come true.'

All i had to do was give it up to you.
And now you have shown me the power of a woman on bended knee.

A choice within the heart

It has become increasingly clear to me that love is a choice of the heart rather than a feeling of the heart. We won’t always find it easy to love people, whether this is friends, family or spouse. There are times that test our love and commitment, and times which are extremely difficult. There may be times when disagreements occur and we don’t feel in love with the other anymore, maybe we feel hurt, or deflated, or maybe we have built those barriers up again. There may be times when the other is irritating us, when we feel unappreciated and frustrated. It is easy in these times to give up and claim we have fallen out of love, ‘love just left the relationship’ you say, but what you are really saying here is that you chose not to fight, chose to give in, weren’t willing to put the effort in. Here it becomes clear we love ourselves too much to love the other person, we value ourselves and our pride to highly to lower our boundaries, make the sacrifice and open our heart. It is here that we are faced with a choice, a choice that determines the rest of our lives; will we choose loving words, loving actions and loving smiles in those difficult times? Or will we choose superficial love? The kind that does not last, that is not true and does not posses the traits in 1 Corinthians 13, the kind of love no one will fight for.
I believe this is a message needed today, especially to be told to us young girls. So many of us (like myself) have grown up on fairy tales and chick flick movies, these may seem lovely but what they do not explain is what happens in those hard times. They make love seem easy, as though that ‘in love feeling’ lasts forever, as though you and he posses no flaws and will live in harmony for eternity. And if the love does run out they tell us not to fight, to put ourselves above the other and get out while we can. But the message I want to share with young ladies is that this beautiful love we all desire can last eternally but it comes at a price – we must make the choice to allow it to survive and fight when times are rough.

written: 28.11.10

Love is a choice;
You have to choose to open up your heart and allow somebody in,
It’s not that feeling deep within, that warm and fuzzy ‘love’
It’s not that longing for another or a dizzy headed whim,
It’s not a compulsion or uncontrollable desire you just much act upon,
That snug tight hold of someone warm is not what it’s about,
No.
Love is a choice made within.

That glance at you across the room – the one that makes you tingle,
The interlocking of your hands or stroke against your cheek,
The way he makes the corners of your mouth turn up and a giggle just escapes,
This my dear is not love,
For love it is a choice.

It’s the choice you make as you awake to love and not to scald,
Its being able to hold his hand after ‘that’ feeling has gone,
It’s choosing to belong to him when someone else looks your way,
Its managing to say no when you want more but the time is not right,
It’s serving his needs despite your own when exhaustion overwhelms,
It’s choosing love above all else and never letting go.

This is a choice that we must make - a choice beyond compare,
Perhaps the hardest of them all,
But the proudest I could wear.

called by name

October 2010
I wrote this in response to the teaching of Nancy at the above rubies southern retreat.

You have called me by name;
for your divine purpose,
sealed by your grace,
bought by your victory.

You have called me by name;
for a greater destiny,
for something higher,
led into eternity.

You have called me by name;
moulded for such a time as this,
crafted by your hands,
held in your embrace.

oh my Lord, grant this I plead;
that I may have confidence of this all the days of my life,
that I may shine as a beacon before men,
that I may be convicted by your word and gifted by your spirit,
Oh Lord, that I may be a pillar of the home and a crown to my husband,
that i may be a servant to my family,
an encourager to this household,
that I may repent of my sin,
and rejoice in my divine calling.

Still small voice

04.10.10

In the Wind I am not,
In the earthquake I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

In anger I am not,
In thunder I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

In religion I am not,
In Busyness I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

In the graveyard I am not,
In material possession I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

In prosperity I am not,
In power I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

In earthly pleasures I am not,
In hard work I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

When all is quiet and all is still,
When all is calm and attentive,
Here I speak.

I whisper into the still, silent heart,
The heart that is ready to receive my wisdom.

I am found in the still small voice.

I am so thankful to God because he has given me back one of my greatest loves. For 6 months I have had no voice and no ability to sing, but now I am blessed because a song has returned to my voice. My speech therapist discovered that even though I cannot talk right now miraculously I can sing. God has taken my speaking, he has taken my job but he has left me my singing, my ability to worship through song. My God promised he would return my song to me and he has kept his promise; so I rejoice. After not singing for 6 months I am able to sing with the congregation, praise God! Now it is my responsibility to ensure I offer my voice as a sacrifice to God, he has given me a gift and all glory must be given to Him.

written: 27.09.10

You are a God of hope,
A God of certainty,
A God of promise,
You Lord have blessed me beyond comprehension.
Your have kept your word to me.
What a gift I have found in your promise,
A radiant beauty in your grace.

I rejoice over you my Lord for you have placed a song in my heart and a melody on my lips.
You Lord have restored my gift,
Renewed my voice,
Strengthened my worship.

You Lord hold all in your mighty hands,
You paint my future with your meticulous eye,
You guide me with your everlasting light.
In times of trouble you are my strength,
In danger you are my refuge,
In brokenness you are my healing.

My Lord,
My God,
My Saviour.
Your resurrection power has lifted me,
Has gifted me,
Has blessed me beyond all human knowledge.

My Lord,
My God,
My Saviour,
May my voice be a sacrifice of praise to you alone,
Take my song,
Accept my offering,
Let it be for you alone.

For you.
In you.
And by you.
Belonging to you.