On bended knee

It never ceases to amaze me how God answers my prayers. For years as a young girl i prayed for my husband to be, there is a song by Rebecca St James entitled 'Wait for me' which encouraged me to wait with hope and pray with certainty for the man who was to be my husband. I prayed that he would be a man of God, with a foundation firmly built on the Bible and prayer, that he would be a man of compassion, a man of love and a man with a passion for the power and word of God. My God answered my prayers and blessed me witha wonderful God crafted man. I am so thankful that God taught me to be faithful in prayer for my husband from a young age and that he was faithful to answer my hearts cry.

You made my heart sing;
The joy within my soul i cannot explain,
A peace within my startled heart;
touched my the Father and now dripping with love

I was afraid but you dared me to dream;
You dared me to get down on my knees and open my heart,
Telling you the secrets of the female spirit;
The ones long forgotten but never lost.

You asked me to pray.
Told me to give it up to you,
let you be the one to determine our future.
At times i pulled too tight on the reins; i tired to do things for myself,
Clearly that didnt work out.

But oh what good counsel you provided me with;
'Get back on your knees' the women said.
'Let God show you how to make your dreams come true.'

All i had to do was give it up to you.
And now you have shown me the power of a woman on bended knee.

A choice within the heart

It has become increasingly clear to me that love is a choice of the heart rather than a feeling of the heart. We won’t always find it easy to love people, whether this is friends, family or spouse. There are times that test our love and commitment, and times which are extremely difficult. There may be times when disagreements occur and we don’t feel in love with the other anymore, maybe we feel hurt, or deflated, or maybe we have built those barriers up again. There may be times when the other is irritating us, when we feel unappreciated and frustrated. It is easy in these times to give up and claim we have fallen out of love, ‘love just left the relationship’ you say, but what you are really saying here is that you chose not to fight, chose to give in, weren’t willing to put the effort in. Here it becomes clear we love ourselves too much to love the other person, we value ourselves and our pride to highly to lower our boundaries, make the sacrifice and open our heart. It is here that we are faced with a choice, a choice that determines the rest of our lives; will we choose loving words, loving actions and loving smiles in those difficult times? Or will we choose superficial love? The kind that does not last, that is not true and does not posses the traits in 1 Corinthians 13, the kind of love no one will fight for.
I believe this is a message needed today, especially to be told to us young girls. So many of us (like myself) have grown up on fairy tales and chick flick movies, these may seem lovely but what they do not explain is what happens in those hard times. They make love seem easy, as though that ‘in love feeling’ lasts forever, as though you and he posses no flaws and will live in harmony for eternity. And if the love does run out they tell us not to fight, to put ourselves above the other and get out while we can. But the message I want to share with young ladies is that this beautiful love we all desire can last eternally but it comes at a price – we must make the choice to allow it to survive and fight when times are rough.

written: 28.11.10

Love is a choice;
You have to choose to open up your heart and allow somebody in,
It’s not that feeling deep within, that warm and fuzzy ‘love’
It’s not that longing for another or a dizzy headed whim,
It’s not a compulsion or uncontrollable desire you just much act upon,
That snug tight hold of someone warm is not what it’s about,
No.
Love is a choice made within.

That glance at you across the room – the one that makes you tingle,
The interlocking of your hands or stroke against your cheek,
The way he makes the corners of your mouth turn up and a giggle just escapes,
This my dear is not love,
For love it is a choice.

It’s the choice you make as you awake to love and not to scald,
Its being able to hold his hand after ‘that’ feeling has gone,
It’s choosing to belong to him when someone else looks your way,
Its managing to say no when you want more but the time is not right,
It’s serving his needs despite your own when exhaustion overwhelms,
It’s choosing love above all else and never letting go.

This is a choice that we must make - a choice beyond compare,
Perhaps the hardest of them all,
But the proudest I could wear.

called by name

October 2010
I wrote this in response to the teaching of Nancy at the above rubies southern retreat.

You have called me by name;
for your divine purpose,
sealed by your grace,
bought by your victory.

You have called me by name;
for a greater destiny,
for something higher,
led into eternity.

You have called me by name;
moulded for such a time as this,
crafted by your hands,
held in your embrace.

oh my Lord, grant this I plead;
that I may have confidence of this all the days of my life,
that I may shine as a beacon before men,
that I may be convicted by your word and gifted by your spirit,
Oh Lord, that I may be a pillar of the home and a crown to my husband,
that i may be a servant to my family,
an encourager to this household,
that I may repent of my sin,
and rejoice in my divine calling.

Still small voice

04.10.10

In the Wind I am not,
In the earthquake I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

In anger I am not,
In thunder I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

In religion I am not,
In Busyness I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

In the graveyard I am not,
In material possession I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

In prosperity I am not,
In power I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

In earthly pleasures I am not,
In hard work I am not,
I am found in the still small voice.

When all is quiet and all is still,
When all is calm and attentive,
Here I speak.

I whisper into the still, silent heart,
The heart that is ready to receive my wisdom.

I am found in the still small voice.

I am so thankful to God because he has given me back one of my greatest loves. For 6 months I have had no voice and no ability to sing, but now I am blessed because a song has returned to my voice. My speech therapist discovered that even though I cannot talk right now miraculously I can sing. God has taken my speaking, he has taken my job but he has left me my singing, my ability to worship through song. My God promised he would return my song to me and he has kept his promise; so I rejoice. After not singing for 6 months I am able to sing with the congregation, praise God! Now it is my responsibility to ensure I offer my voice as a sacrifice to God, he has given me a gift and all glory must be given to Him.

written: 27.09.10

You are a God of hope,
A God of certainty,
A God of promise,
You Lord have blessed me beyond comprehension.
Your have kept your word to me.
What a gift I have found in your promise,
A radiant beauty in your grace.

I rejoice over you my Lord for you have placed a song in my heart and a melody on my lips.
You Lord have restored my gift,
Renewed my voice,
Strengthened my worship.

You Lord hold all in your mighty hands,
You paint my future with your meticulous eye,
You guide me with your everlasting light.
In times of trouble you are my strength,
In danger you are my refuge,
In brokenness you are my healing.

My Lord,
My God,
My Saviour.
Your resurrection power has lifted me,
Has gifted me,
Has blessed me beyond all human knowledge.

My Lord,
My God,
My Saviour,
May my voice be a sacrifice of praise to you alone,
Take my song,
Accept my offering,
Let it be for you alone.

For you.
In you.
And by you.
Belonging to you.

heaven's gift

Written for the dear lady next door who lifted my sisters and I over the fence and took care of us.

03.09.2010

The melodic singing of angels resonates in my ear,
Here every joy I felt on earth is infinitely intensified and eternally present,
The grass is greener, the sky is clearer and the flowers stand with pride as I gaze at their immeasurable beauty,
The air is filled with a hopefulness I cannot explain and the grace which is so sparse on earth is ever flowing.

Here in this place nothing concerns me for I am loved like never before,
Here I experience freedom none of humanity can ever bestow,
I have never felt a peace quite like this,
My sprit is light and my body is new,
My face is aglow with awe and wonder,
And my eyes reflect the joy in my heart.

Do not get me wrong,
My life has been wonderful,
The people I’ve loved,
The things I’ve seen
The happiness I’ve felt,
These are memories I hold so dear,
But this, this is like nothing I’ve ever known,
This I cannot describe even to those who know me best,
This is beyond comprehension,
This is a gift given from the kindest of hearts to the humblest of men.

i do not understand

This I wrote after a long conversation with a friend who asked a question we all struggle with at times. If God exists and loves us as much as people say he does, then how is there so much evil in the world and why does he allow natural disasters to occur? I cannot pretend to know the answer to this question I’m sure that only God himself knows this. But I do know that God works in so many ways we do not see and cannot understand, God knows the bigger picture and knows how to reach his goal. He does not ask us to understand all that happens, he does ask us to be content with the evil in the world but he does ask us to trust him because only he knows the master plan and how to make it come about.

written: 22.08.2010

I do not understand your ways oh Lord,
Your Father heart I cannot comprehend.

I do not know why the child is alone Lord or why the mother weeps for her babe.
I do not know why his father left, or why he never calls.
I know not why he pulled the trigger or how she could steal the life of her child.
I’ll never understand the corruption in government or why I have everything and they have nothing.
I cannot know why the volcano erupted or why the sea devoured the earth.
I cannot fathom why they made a bomb or why we went to war.
I know not why she is old and sick or whey he can no longer walk.


I know none of your ways my Lord,
Why you allow such pain.
But what I know for certain is that your plan is good,
Is hopeful,
Is true.
I know you see the entire puzzle whilst I see just one piece.
You know the entire universe whilst I do not know half of the world in which I live.
You protect us from evilness we do not even know exists.

I do not know your path oh Lord,
I know not where you have been,
I cannot see all you have done or hear all that you say.
I do not understand how this all works together or why it had to happen this way.
But what I understand least of all is how you could trust us with your precious creation knowing we would mess it up.

I understand not your ways oh Lord,
But I know that you are good and you hold it all in the palm of your hands.
I know that my faith is in you oh Lord,
My hope is in He who is greater than I,
Because I know not the future,
I know not how things work or what is happening within the universe,
But you Lord see all of creation,
You know where we are, where we’ve been and where we are headed.
Only you Lord know how and why it all works so incredibly.