My Gift

During midday prayers at Taize God revealed to me why i have had no voice for the last 4 months. Each time we met for prayers i prayed that if God wanted to heal me my heart would be open to receive his healing, but now God showed me he didnt want to give me back the same voice i lost. After meeting Nancy Campbell probably two years ago i was struck with how some women are so gentle and nurturing that their mere presence calms you down and their voice is so gentle that it instantly sooths you and makes you feel safe. As a result of this i had been praying for a long time that i would become a more gentle woman. A while ago i read that her daughter Evangeline controls her chidlren with a whisper rather than a shout, as a family worker and a mother in training this challenged me. It suddenly struck me that God was answering my prayer and teaching me to be more gentle by forcing me to talk less and to use a very quiet, slow voice. I wrote this poem in response to what God showed me and as i did he showed me a very precious picture, the Father's hands cupped over a glowing light, he told me that when the pain eventually leaves my throat and the strength returns, it will not be the same voice as before because he is making is mroe gentle, more beautiful and he would use it for his glory. From then on i decided to pray not for healing but that he would continue to make my voice more beautiful and that i would have the strength and the patience to wait untill it was ready to be given to me.

written: 30.06.2010

You answered my prayer Lord,
You responded to my request,
You listened to me longing heart.

It was not what I expected Lord,
So I did not see at first,
I thought I was suffering Lord,
But I know you are my teacher,
And now I am ready to learn.

I do not know how long this will last,
But my heart is open to receive from you.
My voice is yours Lord,
Keep it for as long as you require,
Whilst it is in your care make it more beautiful, more gentle, more angelic,
Give me patience Lord, to learn from this gift and to receive this blessing with a humble heart.