sacrifice in blessings

Four months ago i had a very bad throat infection and lost my voice, eventually the infection cleared but my voice did not return. This week the specialist told me its not coming back any time soon and i have to stop everything - work, church groups, phone calls pretty much anything that requires me to talk. I'm a singer and this is majorly important to me, its what i have to offer God, its what calms me when im stressed, its what i love to do and expresses who i am. While at Taize last week God told me why he had taken my voice, i had been praying for gentleness and he was using my voice to answer my prayer, he told me he would return it to me more beautiful and more gentle, he told me this was a gift he was giving me. Today in church the worship group i sing in were playing, and i began to get very upset because i could not join them. Over the last few months i've manged to keep hopeful regarding my voice - i know God will give it back to me, but after my doctors comments this week it all got a bit too much. I wondered how this could be a gift when it felt like a punishment. This is what he said back to me. As i said this was originally about my voice but after church (yes i wrote it when i should have been listening to my dad's sermon on prayer) it seemed to be for two of my friends also.

written 11.07.2010

This is not a punishment child,
i have not cursed you,
there is suffering and sacrifice in my blessings,
as there is suffering and sacrifce in grace,
And i my child have chosen to bless you.

There is suffering in grace my child,
there is sacrifice in salvation,
you seek to be more like me and i have responded to your call,
i refine you through the fire,
but the fire is at my hand and the fire shall not harm you.

If you want to receive my blessings you must allow me to prepare your heart,
so that you may revieve with a thankful and humble heart,
so that you might use this blessing to its full extent,
i am preparing you for a higher calling,
there may be blessings in brokenness but there is sacrifice in blessings,
endure the sacrifce and receive my blessing.