It has become increasingly clear to me that love is a choice of the heart rather than a feeling of the heart. We won’t always find it easy to love people, whether this is friends, family or spouse. There are times that test our love and commitment, and times which are extremely difficult. There may be times when disagreements occur and we don’t feel in love with the other anymore, maybe we feel hurt, or deflated, or maybe we have built those barriers up again. There may be times when the other is irritating us, when we feel unappreciated and frustrated. It is easy in these times to give up and claim we have fallen out of love, ‘love just left the relationship’ you say, but what you are really saying here is that you chose not to fight, chose to give in, weren’t willing to put the effort in. Here it becomes clear we love ourselves too much to love the other person, we value ourselves and our pride to highly to lower our boundaries, make the sacrifice and open our heart. It is here that we are faced with a choice, a choice that determines the rest of our lives; will we choose loving words, loving actions and loving smiles in those difficult times? Or will we choose superficial love? The kind that does not last, that is not true and does not posses the traits in 1 Corinthians 13, the kind of love no one will fight for.
I believe this is a message needed today, especially to be told to us young girls. So many of us (like myself) have grown up on fairy tales and chick flick movies, these may seem lovely but what they do not explain is what happens in those hard times. They make love seem easy, as though that ‘in love feeling’ lasts forever, as though you and he posses no flaws and will live in harmony for eternity. And if the love does run out they tell us not to fight, to put ourselves above the other and get out while we can. But the message I want to share with young ladies is that this beautiful love we all desire can last eternally but it comes at a price – we must make the choice to allow it to survive and fight when times are rough.
written: 28.11.10
Love is a choice;
You have to choose to open up your heart and allow somebody in,
It’s not that feeling deep within, that warm and fuzzy ‘love’
It’s not that longing for another or a dizzy headed whim,
It’s not a compulsion or uncontrollable desire you just much act upon,
That snug tight hold of someone warm is not what it’s about,
No.
Love is a choice made within.
That glance at you across the room – the one that makes you tingle,
The interlocking of your hands or stroke against your cheek,
The way he makes the corners of your mouth turn up and a giggle just escapes,
This my dear is not love,
For love it is a choice.
It’s the choice you make as you awake to love and not to scald,
Its being able to hold his hand after ‘that’ feeling has gone,
It’s choosing to belong to him when someone else looks your way,
Its managing to say no when you want more but the time is not right,
It’s serving his needs despite your own when exhaustion overwhelms,
It’s choosing love above all else and never letting go.
This is a choice that we must make - a choice beyond compare,
Perhaps the hardest of them all,
But the proudest I could wear.
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